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iPhone 6 rumours

The iPhone 5 is pretty much a known quantity, but we suggest that you start queuing now for the upcoming iPhone 6. The 6 comes with LTE support, a foldable super-retina-plus display, an eight core CPU, a new version of Siri that can work out what you want before you have even said it, all powered by a compact hydrogen based fuel cell that is bigger on the inside than on the outside.

Ghost Steve Jobs

 Ghost of Steve Jobs There were some shock revelations from trusted sources at Cupertino this week that Steve Jobs continues to directly influence the day-to-day running of Apple despite being dead for nearly half a year. The apparent apparition of Jobs regularly attends board meetings and design workshops according to those sources who says "the only notable change is a slightly translucent quality and that he wears white polo necks now".

iPad 3D to launch soon

 iPad 3D Throw away your iPad 3s, because they are about to become obsolete! According to leaked documents from a Chinese component manufacturer, Apple next-gen iPad is closer than you think, and now it comes with a 3D display! Apple have apparently ordered 10 million panels from factories in China for delivery at the end of the summer!!

Android to become illegal

 Android illegal Great news from Apple's legal battle with the illegal Android operating system: a Santa Clara judge ruled that Android is an illegal copy of the world's best smartphone and that not only will any and all future sales illegal, but all existing Android handsets are also illegal and must be returned for destruction and recycling. Existing Android users have 30 days to return their unlawful handsets to Apple stores or face possible criminal proceedings.

Apple is not a fruit

Another great legal victory for Apple, this time to stop growers of the "so-called Apple" fruit from using Apples trademark on their vegetables. A press statement from Apple says that "these fruit growers should not be able to profit from the hard work building our brand. They will just have to call it something else." However, rumours are that the proposed name of "iFruit" might well bring on a fresh set of legal battles.

There were no phones before the iPhone

 There were no phones before the  Extensive research by top boffins at Apple has now conclusively proved that there were no mobile phones of any sort before the original iPhone. "We don't know how people managed," said the team leader, "people must have used landlines and written letters or something." The team also confirmed that the recently discovered example of a "Nokia 6310i" is a hoax, and no such thing ever existed.

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